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Aspen Beetle Haters: Fight the Power!

Colin Flaherty's picture

No. No. No. No. No.

People who want to stop the beetles from destroying the forests of Aspen first have to fight a pest even bigger and more obnoxious. More determined. Maybe even smarter: Environmentalists.

So let’s start with a reality check:

1) Enviros are crazy.

2) Enviros in and out of Aspen are controlling what happens to the beetles.

3) Anyone who says getting rid of the beetles is somehow good for people doesn’t get it: By definition, anything good for people is bad for the environment.

In Southern California it took ten years to get environmental permission to put sand on a beach. When it washed away after five years, it took another ten years to put it back.

If enviros fight sand on the beach, what hope do you have of trying to cut down trees and kill bugs at the same time? Almost none.

Want to do something in the desert? Enviros say no. It is too dry. The mountains? Too high. The valleys? Too low. The hills? Too steep. The plains? Too flat. It’s always something.

Fill in the blank: ___________ is the most special piece of land on earth. And that is why we have to “protect” it by doing nothing.

My own Aspen favorite came just a few days ago when the same people who have been fighting for years against doing anything to stop the beetles now say we cannot do anything because we should have done something years ago.

The beetles and their irritating allies are winning. Desperate times call for desperate measures. We have to go nuclear. It’s now time to pull out the second most powerful weapon in our arsenal to fight the beetles and their homo sapien satraps.

Just say beetles cause Global Warming.

Do they? I don’t know but that is beside the point. When fighting enviros it is useful to adopt their favorite tactic: Lie your ass off. Or to put it more politely, make stuff up. If anyone disagrees, just say ‘scientists settled that 20 years ago. So shut up.’ If you want to call them stupid or “holocaust deniers”, go right ahead.

You just might get yourself a Nobel Prize.

That is the only way you are going to protect your property, your town and your trees.

Well there is one other way. So extreme I even hesitate to mention it. But it is guaranteed to get the enviros so enraged they will be crawling up tree trunks with fly swatters and cans of Raid killing beetles one at a time.

Just say the beetles are Republicans.